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Alone [and loving it]

by DaCTO

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1.
another new year that's passing you by gave into your fear you don't even try another new year that’s passing you by you’re always so drear you’re ready to die it’s always gonna be the same it’s always gonna be the same it’s always gonna be the same the game never changes it’s always gonna be the same the game never changes try to understand i'm the same man nothing new or improved with this purview i repeat my defeat i'm too tired can't relate i deflate and despair tried to stand in the sand of this sorrow i sink down look around i can’t bear it's okay to not be okay it's okay to not feel okay it's okay to want to curse your fate it's okay to feel ruined it's okay to not be okay it's okay to not feel okay it's okay to want to curse your fate it's okay to feel ruined
2.
ooo goddamn Jared you really messed up today goddamn Jared you fucked it up all the way goddamn Jared the fed’s are gonna make you pay goddamn Jared you better lawyer up ooo goddamn Jared you really fucked up today goddamn Jared been fucking up all the way goddamn Jared they’re waiting in your driveway the gig is up ooo goddamn Jared you really messed up today goddamn Jared you're fucking it up all the way goddamn Jared be careful what you say time to lawyer up trust fund kids throw up those eager hands we're gonna cuff them in silver bands trust fund kids throw up those guilty hands you're undeserving fuck your privilege it's unnerving (ooo goddamn Jared) another one bites the dust (goddamn Jared) another one bites the dust (goddamn Jared) another one bites the dust (goddamn Jared) you gotta know who to trust (ooo goddamn Jared) another one bites the dust (goddamn Jared) another one bites the dust (goddamn Jared) another one bites the dust (goddamn Jared) you gotta know who to trust fund kids throw up those eager hands we're gonna cuff them in silver bands trust fund kids throw up those guilty hands you're undeserving fuck your privilege it's unnerving whatever happened to the middle east? whatever happened to the middle east? whatever happened to the middle east? did you bring them peace?
3.
what’s the calendar say? it’s a red letter day it’s a red letter day it’s a red letter day what’s the calendar say? it's a holiday it’s a red letter day it’s a red letter day discount stamps on last minute gifts to heal your familial rift commerce to prevent any further drift what’s the calendar say? it’s a red letter day it’s a red letter day it’s a red letter day what’s the calendar say? it’s a red letter day it’s a red letter day another goddamn holiday what’s the calendar say? what’s the calendar say? what’s the calendar say? what’s the calendar say?
4.
i select a different facade for you all your customized downfall i’m tailor-made for you i collect broken things in vials you shoulda seen your smile when i said fuck it let’s do lunch i could eat nobody loves me but everybody loves me how the fuck does that work? nobody loves me but everybody loves me is love really supposed to hurt? don't suspect that i fake my smile oh, am i on trial? i want to forget your wontan weaknesses i suggest that we take our time before you decide if i’m a proper distraction from your environment so in debt to your sense of style it’s crazy that we’re the same size it’s fucking convenient i’m gonna wear your shit recollect slowing dawning with the rising sun you were sleeping what we had begun the previous night left unfinished like all of these dishes got a little of you in me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me cause you’re scary got a little of you in me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me we're so scary leaning on you as you’re leaning on me which of us is lifting the other leaning on you as you’re leaning on me which of us is lifting the other leaning on you as you’re leaning on me which of us is lifting the other still dreaming of you are you dreaming of me neither one's quite holding the other got a little of you in me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me and it scares me cause you're scary forever? is a question of dread that enters your head a thing left unsaid like romantic love or some semblance thereof it’s beyond your means space? what a waste of my time it feels like a crime i know you ain't mine find a more welcoming ceiling for those pedestrian feelings yet still i love you like no one else yet still i love you like no one else yet still i love you like no one else yet still i love you like no one else
5.
Ordinary 02:56
6.
7.
Tincture 02:49
a tincture of broken glass a salve to help this mood to pass how long will the feeling last? can’t i forget your trifling ass? once more with the healing your veil revealed a reprobate done in by the feeling whatever you say is unworth its weight recollect slowly dawning with a rising sun you were sleeping what we had begun the previous night left unfinished daylight filtering in at the end of the dream you and i linger as witness to death of the scene a tincture of broken glass i need a cure for a love miscast how long will the feeling last i turn to leave, you hold me fast sunlight tracing the curve of your splayed silhouette it’s cutting itself on your edge it’s almost enough to make me forget you only love me if you’re drinking i only love you if you’re loving me
8.
you’re terrible love such a shame that all this love you’re receiving you waste on deceiving the one that you're asking to stay you claim you don’t know what it’s clear that you know you’re terrible love i should leave you take and you take my heart breaks on repeat tell me how do you fucking sleep who could ever work through these things that you do you’re terrible love you’re a fake a practiced solo you put on a show this act has become routine you break for applause so smug it’s obscene you’re terrible love you should know i’ve grown far too wise must be quite the surprise as if you could gaslight me only in frail dreams not as lost as i seemed you’re terrible love blind my eyes inveterate cheat suffer and repeat don’t see that i'm more than meat not vexed by the breadth of your latest deceit you’re terrible love you deplete you’re grim and your strange you ask for a change you shit on the scenery please make a big show of needing to go you’re terrible love you’re deranged i’ve prayed your above joking of true love yet you puke and it makes me weep there’s no follow through you laugh and i stew you’re terrible love what’s my name? the ones you keep calling just lead to me crawling away from your empty embrace i beg and i plead don’t have what i name you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible love i’m the same can’t stop or undue this need to subdue so skilled at assigning the blame picking at our corpse as if it’s a game you’re terrible love i’m ashamed a shade of the person i was when i met you don't think that i quite like the change you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you’re terrible you're terrible, love i should leave...
9.
10.
guess your dreams always end they don't rise up, just descend but i don't care anymore i've lost the will to want more i'm not afraid not at all i watch them all as they fall but i remember when we were young those with habits of waste their sense of style and good taste of making sure you were right hey, don't you know you were right? i'm not afraid anymore i keep my eyes on the door but i remember tears of sadness for you more upheaval for you reflects a moment in time a special moment in time yeah, we wasted our time we didn't really have time but we remember when we were young and all God's angels beware and all you judges beware sons of chance, take good care for all the people not there i'm not afraid anymore i'm not afraid anymore i'm not afraid anymore oh, i'm not afraid anymore
11.
Getting Over 03:21
what's the story morning glory see I woke up late not sure of the date watch me getting over you try to layover so sad, it’s too late now i'm rid the weight you don’t know your story can’t keep it straight for me you fall for the bait watch you sealing fate hear me getting over you try to stay over too bad, rid the weight i dropped all your weight but you wanna know ain't got the time time time time time time time time time time yes you oughta know ain't got the time time time time time time time time time time you say you wanna know ain't got the time time time time time time time time time time see i’m about to go ain't got the time time time time time time time time time time you say remember when don’t try that shit on me don’t say that shit to me you say baby never again don’t try that shit on me don’t say that shit to me see i already know see i’m about to go yes i already know yes you oughta know no no no no no oh no no no no you know no no no oh no oh no no no no no no no oh no no no no you know no no no oh no oh no no
12.

about

stupid songs from a stupid time in my life that i no longer feel a need to hold on to or hide

credits

released January 1, 2020

special thanks to REAMs for helping me workshop the material

and to A.A for providing all of the inspiration

license

all rights reserved

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about

DaCTO San Diego, California

Your city's a cancer. I'm a gemini.

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